Monthly Archives: July 2017


I am scrolling through a website called ‘men’s hairstyles today’ trying to imagine what a number four haircut looks like
It is half an inch long
I avoid looking at the photo of Zac Effron accompanying the description
1.25 centimetres

I am trying to remember if I donated my hair the second to last time I had a haircut
If I did, that means the hair of mine that you touched has been preserved somewhere
I wonder where the hair I touched of yours is
I am now on a website called ‘hair-heads’ reading about salon waste disposal
A headline reads:
I pull my hand away from my head and think about flakes of skin from my fingers attaching themselves to strands of your hair
I see a small insect, a centipede or a millipede, chewing and sucking at our organic compound

I am unsure of how many days I have been laying here in the dark
I feel the weight of your torso close to compressing me into the surface below
I give in and my face falls into softness
It enters first through my nose and mouth, and then through my ears
We are falling together now
I land on top of you
Something small and flat lies between us
It pushes downwards and then upwards

I am making my way through the fruit and vegetable section of Morrisons
My final stop on this aisle is for potatoes
Everything is pre packed except for the baking potatoes
I begin to rummage through the muddy objects, running my fingers gently across the surface of each individual
I pause when I reach one potato, of which three of my fingers slip inside indents on its unusual shape
I pick it up and place it in a plastic grocery bag, tying a loose knot to allow some air circulation
I nestle my potato in a bed made of spring greens and continue my journey to the milk aisle




Last night I poured two large glasses of red wine and proceeded to lay on the sofa, my body imitating your shape behind me
We watched Celebrity Dinner Date, followed by First Dates Hotel and finally, The Undateables

By eleven o’clock I began to feel cold again and my head started to hurt
Channel Four had finished with its run of dating shows and you had fallen asleep

I could feel your arm slipping from its pelvic rest and my eyes welled up with tears
I tried to hold them back so I could listen for the thud of your hand hitting the surface below

I must have lost it amongst my sobbing


I become aware of myself before opening my eyes, and there you are, for the six hundred and eighty fifth morning

There is a foreign body in my left eye
In the top right corner

If I keep my eyes closed I can hear you breathing

I feel the grit in my eye move diagonally across my pupil to the bottom left corner

I move to the right
Your presence becomes more tangible with correct body placement

I notice a similar, but less intrusive, foreign body sensation in the top right corner of my right eye.

I turn my head to the left
The pressure on the left side of my head means I now only notice discomfort in my right eye

I scrunch my eyes tight
Trying to  counteract the gritty feeling


There is a bird in the living room
It is relatively small and has a long, thin beak
It is dark brown in colour and appears to be tame

Anna moves her hands towards the bird, beckoning it to climb upon her
With knowing eyes, the bird obliges with a single hop

The bird has delicate, red, petal shaped feet
I had not noticed beforehand
I put my hands out for the bird to climb on

As its feet land, the floral form disappears and in place a pair of off white oblongs press heavily into my palms

An uneven pattern of sharp metal follows the edges of the feet
They break the skin enough to cause some pain
For its size, the weight of the small bird is unexpected

I encourage the bird back to Anna
Its feet peel out of my skin

The bird hops onto Anna’s hands, which are behind the arm of the sofa and out of sight

We discuss taking it to the garden

As we do, Anna lifts her hands back into my line of sight and I notice the feet once more
Now a pair of large, translucent yellow fans have appeared at the bottom of the bird’s thin legs

We take it outside immediately